New Year's Resolutions

So, it's a tradition to make promises to yourself every new year, resolutions. Another, lesser-known tradition is to sacrifice a cat at midnight, but I'll let Jake take care of that. Lots of people's resolutions don't last more than a month, at most. Then again, most people's resolutions are about important, world-changing things like their weight or their personal addictions. I don't think in such lofty terms. I don't worry about my weight, it's good joke fodder. My only addictions are books and electronics, and if anyone plans an intervention for me concerning those, they're gonna get a combat boot up their ass.

Okay. To get back on subject, I decided to make some resolutions for myself. Mostly out of boredom. But as I wrote them down, and thought about them, I realized that these are things that everyone should commit to, or at least try. So, pay attention.

Resolution #1: Question Authority.

I know, I know, you all do it on some level. But we don't do it enough. If we all began to ask why things have to be such and such a way, things might not actually have to be that way. They might actually be... dare I say it?.....BETTER. I'm probably going to get arrested now, for saying that things might not be perfect, but if you people questioned authority so much as I do you would have some to that conclusion already.

Resolution #2: Protect yourself from The Man.

I know that to most of you this is going to sound like more of #1, but it's hard to pad these out to the length I want, so, shut the fuck up. Anyway, back on topic. You people do realize that the Man is quite close to putting a tracking device up your asses, right? Honestly. IF you'd been watching the news lately (it sounds cynical but the truth is, most people my age have little to no interest in current events), you'd know that Bush has ordered wiretaps without court justification. This is illegal. Then there's the pile of steaming bullshit that is the Patriot act. I don't want to get too far into that; it's a post unto itself. But I will say this: the renewal has been delayed for two months. Delayed implies that it will come, it's just not here yet. When the skycap tells you your plane is delayed, what she means is "It just isn't here quite yet."

Resolution #3: If it's funny, laugh.

You people remeber Katrina, right? Of course you do. You remeber all the damage, and the looting that was going on, and how badly the government fucked up the whole thing afterward. Have you noticed that we've only just now started making fun of it? Carlos Mencia was making fun of in on Comedy Central's Last Laugh '05. I think John Stewart poked a bit of fun at the "black kid looting/white guy finding supplies" bit, but that was all that happened right after. Look, if it's funny, and you know it's funny, what's stopping you from laughing? Fear? Of what? They can't keep you from lauging, people! You want to be politically correct? FUCK that shit. Honestly. Look, you can go ahead and laugh at any joke. You can make fun of anyone you want. And anyone who tries to sue you, or get you arrested, or anything along those lines, is a dumb motherfucker. If we're all equal, then we're all equally deserving of abuse.

Resolution #4: Speak your mind.

Here's another thing that bugs me, and it's something I don't do enough. People, you have to say what you feel. Don't mince words, don't play mindgames with people, and of course don't lie. (Unless you're a well-known Republican, in which case you are by definition a pathological liar.) If you think you love someone, tell them. If you don't like someone, tell them that, too. If someone asks you for your honest opinion, or hell, just your regular opinion, give it to them. Don't fuck around. Well... usually. Keep social decorum, if the situation calls for it. If someone needs to be put in their place, do it. If someone needs to be elevated, and lots of people do, do it. It'll make you feel good. Making other people happy makes me feel good, and if it make me feel good it should feel like a hit of good coke to the rest of you.

Resolution #5: If it needs to be done, do it.

You know we all see it all the time. There's something that we look at or read about and say "Someone should do something about that." Then we keep walking and soon forget about it. Why? I don't know, I'm just as guilty as the rest of you. But if you see something, and you can do anything about it, do it. See a poor guy? Give him some cash. So what if he's just gonna buy booze, you probably wouldn't that much better with it. See someone being picked on? Put a stop to it. Your congressman, or governor, or president, is being a stupid fuck? Write a letter, send an email... write a blog post . I'm sure they'll be happy you pointed something out, if they're not too drunk or stupid to read it.

That's about it. I hope you think about it, and comment, 'cause I really feel that this lovely blog is going to waste, going unread, etc. Come on, am I really that boring?