What's in this man?

School started today. I was wandering about the cafeteria, and someone I vaguely know accosted me to inform me that they had run across my blog. Thinking they had found someone with the same name as me (no, Dark Avatar is not my real name), I asked for a URL. Surprisingly they rattled off the correct address. They then started asking why it was so mean-spirited. Now, personally I've never thought of it as being mean, but I went back through it, and it is rather critical of...well, of most of the world. So I'd like to issue a few disclaimers and apolgies before new readers who don't actually know me start to get the wrong idea.

As some religious people are reading this, I'd like to issue a general apology for my constant dislike of religion, and inform you that I am now running sound at my parents' church. I am still an agnostic trending toward atheism, but I am going to try to cut back on the anti-christ stuff.

I'm also very, verry critical of the government, though I've been kind of easy on them lately. They're messing themselves up enough that most people are able to see it now, so they really don't need my help at this time. BUT....I'm not going to apologize for it, and when the time comes, I will be right back at the forefront of government bashing.

From time to time I do bits about music, usually criticizing modern music. Lately I've been watching MTV and VH1 late at night, when they actually play music videos, and some of it is less annoying than the rest. One band, My Chemical Romance, is rather interesting, but they are uncomfortably close to emo. Somewhere between Goth and Cut-Myself-And-Cry. Also, I've always found funny rap songs enjoyable. I'm not such a crotchety old man in the music world as I seem.

You'll notice I curse alot, and of course there's the "nasty joke" post. I've tried to go back and self-edit, but it's a big job. Also, asteriks don't carry as much punch as the actual word. It's like watching George Carlin do his act with a censor bleeping it out. It's still funny and it still has impact, but something's missing. My language among my friends varies.... I'm much more polite when talking to women, of course, and when my language needs to be moderated, it will be. If I hurt myself, or something bad is going on, then all bets are off and you will hear a stream of expletives that could cause a nasty fire with the right fuel-air mixture.

I seem very cynical. Truth is, I am. I may also seem to not care about the people around me, but that is not the way I am. I am very protective of my friends, and will in fact defend people I don't know or dislike if I feel that they are being attacked in a manner that I cannot allow.
I'm rarely happy with my family; we aren't the kind of people who get along without any trouble. But I do love my family, despite the fact that I complain about them constantly.

Hmm....I think that's about it for now. At least, that's all I can think of. If anything else comes up, I may or may not make an issue of it. Oh, by the way, I'm going to try to update my list of people who should be cloned on the 30th day of every month. If the month does not have at least 30 days, I'll do it on the last day of the month. Any names to be added to the list from an outside contributor will have appropriate credits. I may not use a name, and if so, I may or may not explain why, but don't bet on it. Anyone is welcome to add to my list, but please do it in one of the posts of the list, rather than just any post you come across. It's not that hard to find the post when you think of a name.

The List

So, last time I said I was a bit sick, which turned out to be an understatement, as I just got out of the hospital after a bout with pneumonia. Not fun, but not the subject of this post, just what led to it. I've been reading a biography of Douglas Adams, who wrote The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, along with loads of other excellent stuff, of course, including several episodes of Doctor Who. (By the way, I didn't know much about that show, but now I'm going to be looking for episodes online.) But reading about him has just cemented an idea I've had for a long damn time. It goes like this: I know it is currently possible to clone someone's body, but there is no way to give the clone the same personality as the original. But... and this is what happens when I suspend all logic and get deep into fantasyland.... suppose we could imbue the mind of the original, the personality, into the clone body? Who should be cloned first? I'm going to start the list here, and if you have a name to add, please do it. I'd love to hear it. Here goes (by the way, these are in no particular order):

Douglas Adams
John Lennon
George Harrison
John F. Kennedy
Che Guevara
Nicollo Machiavelli
Plato
Ghandi
Christ (just becasue I don't think he was god, doesn't mean he didn't exist. There's more proof of his existance than there is for Julius Ceasar.)
Albert Einstein
Winston Churchill
Thomas Jefferson
Issac Asimov (who I just found out died of AIDS from an infected transfusion. Stupid doctor syndrome)


So, that's the list for now. I'll try to add at least one name to it in updates every, oh, let's say every month, and see if I can stick to it. And if you have a name that needs to be on the list, leave a comment, please.

I'm a bit sick today....bloody damn strep throat. At least, the lady doc told me I'm sick, but I feel pretty good. But, as I said, I'm supposedly a bit sick, so you'll forgive me for watching a news show other than the Daily Show. I was watching the Houston news, and after they reported four or five gruesome and/or violent deaths, they promoed this news spot they were doing later, about wether a Houston law firm had gone too far. Apparently (and I'm not sick enough to sit through the whole thing) the firm convinced a bunch of healthy people they were sick to turn a profit. Now, I personally think they whole question of "business ethics"is pretty much dead. I mean, even the church is getting a little bit blurry. And yeah, before you start to whine about how the church i non-profit, I say to you, bullSHIT. Have you ever seen any real effect of all the money they've gotten from you every week? Other than a bigger goddam church? I rest my case. Oh, and all the mission pictures? Yeah. Fake.

Oops. Sorry, I went off on one of my secular tirades again. I apologize to all of the two religious people who read this stuff.

Anyway, I don't think the "making clients think they're sick" thing is going too far. In fact, I think it's called "Munchausen's Syndrome by Proxy."You want to know what I think is going too far? ( I really hope so, because everything up to this point has been me trying to think of how to say the following.) I think "going too far" is those goddam bloody P.O.S. commercials you have to sit through because they like to run them simultaneously on the only two channels with anything good to watch. I'm talking mainly here about firms that are NOT certified by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization. I'm not saying they aren't good lawyers; they might be; I'm also not saying they aren't good people; I don't know them. What I am saying is that the commercials are annoying as HELL. I mean, really, I don't ever see, say, the same Disney commercial twice during the same show. And now what I think about it, you really can't say the commercials "go too far." The firms paid to have the commercials made; they paid to run them. Their money is going to support my TV; I really shouldn't complain. Besides, there are loads of commercials that piss me off, and lawyer commercials are certainly not the worst of all... remember how i was talking about disney earlier? Yeah, you probably get a rant about them next time. Now that they're trying to steal anime, too.....

The Beauty of Poetry

So I'm almost done with the classroom part of driver's ed, and, as usual, I'm finishing assignments long before anyone else....which gives me time to read the poetry past students have added to the textbooks. This was the first one I found:

Sticks and stones may break my bones
But whips and chains excite me
So tie me up and throw me down
And show how much you like me

Lovely little bit of prose, isn't it? I find it interesting how most graffiti poetry ends up in something at least resmebling the quatrain form:

Weed, Speed, Rock 'n' Roll,
Sex, Drugs, Birth Control
Life's a bitch and then you die
So f**k the world, let's all get high

Also, an adult could learn a lot about the way teen love works, simply by reading some of these poems. Hell....I'm learning things I didn't know, and I'm a teen. I had no idea love was so violent:

I love her, oh yes I do
She's for me and not for you
But if by chance you take my place
I'll take my fist and smash your face!

Of course, there are other sources of evil poetry...such as the people I talk to on MSN. And, no, I'm not giving names.

Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
F**k a virgin
Not a slut.

Now, in case the text of the following poems doesn't tip you off, they're from a woman's point of view, not mine. Some more teen love:

Holy mother, full of grace
Bless my boyfriend's gorgeous face
Bless his hair that tends to curl
Keep him safe from all the girls
Bless his arms that are so strong
Keep his hands where they belong
Bless his d**k, the one I sucked
Bless the bed, in which we f**ked
And if my Mom happened to walk in
Bless the sh*t I'd be in.

Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...
I'm In Love But Not With You...
When We Broke Up You Thought I Cried
But All It Was...
Was Another Guy,
You Told Your Friends That I Was A Trick,
I Told Mine That You Had A Weak D**k...
I Said I Loved You
And You Thought It Was True,
But Guess What Baby?!
You Got Played Too!!

Of course, there are some poems that get a bit...explicit... such as this one. Believe it or not, this one actually set me back a bit:

Roses are red,
Violets are corny,
When I think of you
Ohh baby I get horny,
Eat me,
Beat me,
Bite me,
Blow me,
Suck me,
F**k me,
Very slowly,
if you kiss me,
dont be sassy,
Use your tongue and make it nasty!!!!


At any rate... I will be searching for more poetry and wittiness to amuse myself and you. Wish me luck! Oh, and if you have any poetry to add, feel free to do so.

Lost in a Hollywood World

I know this is a really fast new post, my last one was on Sunday, but I found a bunch of stuff I wrote about the Matrix films shortly after I started the blog, then promptly forgot about, so here they are.
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Thoughts on the Matrix

The Matrix doesn’t seem so bad from an objective point of view. Most of the people inside seem to feel okay, most of the time. So, why rebel against it? Sure, there are people in there who were dealt a bad card, like getting AIDS, being killed or dying early, facing starvation, etc., but there will always be suffering for some part of the human race. Like Agent Smith says, we seem to need misery to define ourselves.
The energy required to keep so many human bodies alive and well fed must outweigh the energy and heat provided by the bodies, even combined with “a form of fusion,” so why keep us alive at all? As far as I can tell, we aren’t that good of an energy source. If the machines and A.I. life forms are so hostile to humans, why was the original Matrix designed to b a paradise? Within the Matrix one is free to engage in whatever activity his or her status and personality command. If you can see past the Matrix, you can slow time, stop p bullets, fly, and so on; and leaving the Matrix to become a Zion rebel may not be the only way to see past it. After all, a computer system is easier to infiltrate if the hacker has access to it to begin with. Once you understand that there is no spoon, or whatever, it becomes easy to take control of the nonexistent whatever.
Besides, few people will wish to abandon the satisfactory near-utopia of the false 1999 for the hell we made of the real world. I personally would be likely to become a rebel, since that’s the way I am, but many of the people I know would simply follow the flow of the world they are accustomed to—the world of the Matrix.

Questions About the Matrix

Philosophical
--Is Neo programmed? I mean, if Smith can copy himself into a body, and he is a program, why can’t a program be superimposed onto a mind at birth and totally supplant the original person?
--Do the Smiths have a hive-mind?
--Why are there so many Biblical paralells?
--Why is Neo's death pose a crucifix?
--When the One dies, is a new one born immediately, or is there a lag?
--Is every new version of the One a reincarnation of the last version?

Technical
--How do hovercraft propulsion systems work, and why do the sentinels have no apparent propulsion systems?
--Why do the agents use bullets? Why not better weapons than guns?
--Where can I find technical manuals for all the machine technology?
--How does Smith copy himself onto Bane? For that matter, how does he copy himself at all?
--Did he copy himself onto all inhabitants of the Matrix, or just the one city?
--How does Sati "make" the sky for Neo, and what is her purpose as a program?
--How do operators, and anyone else in general, read the Matrix code, and how does Neo see it in 3D?
--Where did the ships (Nebuchadnezzar, Logos, Hammer) come from?
--Why don't Agents have perfect aim?
--Why can't Trinity fight Agents as well as Morpheus and Neo?
--Is there only one machine city? One mainframe? One source?

Philosophical and Technical
--How does Neo see in the real world after he is blinded, and exactly what is he seeing?
--Why does Neo see the overwritten Bane as wearing sunglasses? Is it just to show that he knows Smith has copied himself into Bane's body?
--If 'dead' in the Matrix is dead in the real world, why do the Zion rebels kill people (security guards, soldiers, cops) so freely?
--What happened to the original Smith?
--Did Smith copy onto animals as well as people?
--Why and when will we "see him [Neo] again?"
--Did the machines rebuild Zion the last six times it was destroyed?

Miscellaneous
--Why 1999? Peak of our civilization my ass! I'd like to think we're going to do better than we did in 1999.

The Math of the Matrix

(NOTE: All numbers not actually related in the films are conservative estimates and are in fact reduced from the original estimates I made while watching the films.)

--Assume 7 versions of the one, including Neo, as per the history of the Matrix as related by the Architect .
--Assume 100 years for each version to finish, as per the history of Zion as related by Morpheus.
--Assume 50 years for the early failures mentioned by Smith during his interrogation of Morpheus.
--Assume 10 years of war after the beginning of the machine rebellion.
--Assume 40 years of lead up to war after the creation of AI.

(100*7)+50+10+40=800 years

Morpheus says that while Neo believes it to be the year 1999, it is closer to 2199. So,

2199-800=1399

So, either we have been living in the Matrix since the Dark ages (unlikely), or the Wachowski brothers didn't check their math.

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So, there you have it. I went on a kick sort of like this--philosophy, history, technology, and all--the first time I saw Star Wars and Star Trek too. I hope some of you might have something to add or be able to clear things up for me. Also, for those who know me personally, I know it seems really out of character for me to voluntarily engage in mathematical pursuits, but you also know how I can be when I get off on some philosophical end-run.

The Good, The Bad, and.....WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!

First off, the good. It's kind of hard to think of anything good. I got Enter The Matrix the other day. Everyone says it's a crappy game, but I really love it. I saw Jackass:The Movie on Comedy Central last night, uncut. It was wonderful! Wasabi snooters, golf course air horns......great stuff. I even pulled a bit of a stunt myself. I had a sheet stuffed in my mouth to keep from laughing so hard that my parents woke up and bitched, and I swallowed about 6 inches of the corner. I'm pretty excited about the new season of Reno 911, and I expect it to be pretty good. Comedy Central needs to redeem itself after the last season of South Park tanked.

The bad: I'm not saying this is bad in and of itself, but Time Warner cable is now offering a channel geared toward homosexuals. They appear to be trying to extend their gay and lesbian demograpic. Now, like I said, the fact that they are offering a gay channel is not bad. What's bad is that the assholes of the world are going to give them shit for it. they've only been advvertising this channel for a couple days, and already my parents are talking about how it's "evil against the kingdom of god." You want to know what would really be evil against god, if he exists? CHRISITAN FUNDAMENTALISTS. Specifically the ones who say things like my parents.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!: Jacko got off, and this time, his getting off didn't directly involve a young boy. He was found innocent by a jury of his "peers" in California. WHAT THE FUCK!? The man is a flaming nutcase! He molested little boys, okay? I'm a pretty oblivious guy, and even I picked up on that. And he's not the king of pop anymore, got it? He's the king of the freakshow. Skin disease my cracker ass. A skin disease doesn't make your nose look like your sister's, jackass. Go hide in your little oubliette and leave the kids alone. And what was wrong with the bloody damn jury? It was the same as in the OJ case! Overwhelming evidence that the man in question comitted the crime, and the jury has some kind of total brain-fart and calls him innocent! I'm starting to think itmight not be a bad idea for California to break off and float away into the Pacific, where we can safely nuke the fuck out of it.

A Hero I Can Support

Wow. Holy shit.

I guess the truth IS out there.

So it would appear we finally know who Deep Throat really is. http://www.cnn.com/2005/POLITICS/05/31/deep.throat/index.html

See, this is the kind of thing I pay attention to. While the rest of you are obsessing over Michael Jackson (child-molesting freak), and Lords of Dogtown (lowbrow loser movie), and other such crap, I'm noticing the fact that the true identity of one of the most important figures in the Watergate scandal is finally know to the public. Of course, most of you probably think that "deep throat" is just something to do with a BJ.

Anyway, for those of you too lazy to click on a goddam link, Deep Throat was the primary source for the Washington Post reporters who busted the Watergate scandal wide open. Since he was obviously well inside the scandal, his identity was kept a secret, and kept very well. But now he has revealed himself to be W. Mark Felt, who at the time he was sharing information with Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein, was the NUMBER TWO MAN AT THE FBI.

Did you read that properly? That was the FBI. The FEDERAL Bureau of Investigation. That means that Felt was directly reporting to the man who reported to Nixon for the entire Bureau (their HQ in Washington is very nice, by the way. I quite enjoyed the tour.). If he had been found out he basically would have been, for lack of a more descriptive word, FUCKED. Here is an American hero I can support, someone who goes against the entire executive branch of the United States government. This man was, at the time, proabably the man most hated and wanted by the most powerful man in the world. You talk about "living in fear".... bin Laden isn't in the US, or so the govt. hopes. People have been searching for Deep Throat for almost 30 years. That has got to be a BITCH as far as stress goes.

But anyway.... all respect to W. Mark Felt. Anyone who takes that much risk, and helps bring down one of the most corrupted men in one of the most corruptible positions in the world...who happens to be his BOSS....is deserving of respect from anyone you can name.