I can never put a title on the important stuff.....

I'd like to admit to you all that I'm overly romantic. I'm also paranoid, anti-social, and I always wear black. But I like those things. I don't like the overly romatic silliness.

I get told from time to time that I don't care about anyone but myself. This couldn't be further from the truth. I've sworn up and down all my life that if someone near me has a gun and intends to use it, I'll sooner rip out his throat than allow anyone else to get hurt. There is a standing promise to any woman I know that if some guy mistreats them in any way, I will beat him, or at least do my best to beat him. I'm not kidding, either. I won't stand for any kind of maltreatment of any of my friends.

But back to the romantic foolishness... I suppose it's not so much "romantic" as it is something I can't really identify, can't put my finger on. There's a good example I can give you... but it's an example that will get me nowhere, and probably get me abused mercilessly. Oh, wait, Jake doesn't have internet. So, no abuse, I'd expect. Shall we begin?

Two years ago, on my birthday (oh, man, that's coming up, isn't it? One year closer to death...), on the bus, I met a girl through a mutual friend. Didn't think much of it at first, but we started talking about anime (forget George Bush, Japanese cartoons are the real uniter.). Not much else, really. But I was.... interested. For lack of a better word.

She was... is.... verrry pretty, I thought. I'm sure someone would disagree with me. I'm also sure I would hit that someone in the mouth. Also, she is devastatingly intelligent. I mean, I thought I was a smart guy, but she beat me hollow in that department. I heard people talk bad about her, of course; someone's always willing to talk garbage about anyone. But what bothered me was that these people were her friends. From the beginning I thought she was a good person, but I'm like the courts in that respect: Good until proven otherwise. She never really proved otherwise.

In case you hadn't figured it out yet (in which case you are blind, deaf, and trying to read this post by feeling your monitor), I really liked her. Still do, to some extent. But I'm not a social person, and I couldn't tell her. (I still have this problem, incidentally. Probably something to do with too much videogames and not enough people/outside/social time. Eww.... outside....) So... I tried to go through... channels, let's say.

Okay, I acted like a bloody third grader. "Hey, ask her if..." and other such foolishness. Unfortunately this was seen as pure cowardice. So that's strike one.

Here comes strike two. This one's a bit hard to follow. I have very... strong opinions. I don't think our government is decent. I don't think it's quite democratic, either, what with the electoral college. I think the problems need to be fixed, however is necessary. If you ask me, in person, I'll tell you the same thing. In fact I used to tell anyone who stood still long enough. I believe in this above all: there must be change, and soon. She caught wind of this, and apparently I'm now... well. If I don't use names then I shouldn't use direct quotes either, but it boils down to hypocrite. This is true, to some extent, but not in this case.

So... third strike, 'cause I don't know when to quit. A while back she moved to England to go to school (Which is most impressive, by the way.), so the only communication was through MSN messenger; the same way I speak to most of you (well, that and Gmail. ^^). But.... IM is not the best way to communicate, for most people. Something was said that made me unhappy. I think I probably took it out of context. I'm highly stupid, after all. Anyway, the next day on the bus I said something I shouldn't have said. It got bck to her. I was berated (deservedly), blocked, (also deservedly ) and am now ignored (painful, but I deserve it.).

I don't really know where I was going with this post. I guess... what needs to be said is that I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I admit it. I'm a hypocrite, sometimes. I admit that, too. I pretty much struck out, and it was my fault. I guess I didn't keep my eye on the ball.

But most baseball players come back up to bat eventually, don't they?