Back in Form

I... am irritated. I know this probably doesn't come as a surprise to most of you, I'm annoyed most of the time, but today I have some REALLY good targets. Here's the first one, an article I found online from a headline I saw in today's local paper:

Teens Defend Polygamist Families at Rally in Utah

have you read it? good. I'd like to point out one bit that I particularly like.

It also is historic...to bring the youth together in a united way...They don't generally mingle.

You know why they don't generally mingle? Probably conversations with people from the outside, like this one:

"So where does your dad work?"
"First State Bank."
"And your mom?"
"Costco, the bank, the elementary school, the car dealership out by the highway, and Sonic."
"Wow, that's a lot of jobs for one lady."
"No, no, they each have one job."
*akward silence*

You know, I don't usually do this, but I'm gonna come right out and say, I think polygamy is just honestly fucked-up. I usually try to look at things from both sides, but in this case, fuck that all to hell. It's a good way to have some really twisted kids, kids with minds that make me look like Ghandi. How the hell did the first mormons get it in their heads that this was okay? I'm guessing one of Joseph Smith's big spenders had a couple of girlfriends right there at the beginning:

"Hey, Joe, how would you people like a new church?"
"Um, that'd be nice."
"Great, check's in the mail. Oh, and by the way, I have this... difficulty..."
*whisper whisper whisper*
"See the problem there, Joey boy?"
"Yeah. Um... ah... as of now, polygamy is okay with me and god!"
"Gee, thanks! Whatever brought that on?"

You know what polygamy is, right? It's a harem by another name. I know that I could get challenged pretty well on that statement, but I'm not wrong. They feel that they can get away with it because they claim it as a religious belief. So here we go.

I'd like to announce the founding of the Church of Jesus Christ, What the Fuck? The basic tenet of the church is that we don't have any rules, or buildings, or preachers, or even a real "bible." We only have one belief:

We have the right to beat the living hell out of anyone we percieve as acting totallty dumb-stupid.

Now, you all know the above is bullshit. If I ever found a church, I promise you, it will only be to make money for myself (which by the way is where I think the idea of "offerings to god" and "tithes" came from. The way I see it? throw the cash up in the air, and God'll take what he needs.). But by the rationale of these polygamists, I should be able to go beat the tar out of... well, most of the rest of the planet... because it's what I believe to be right. You know what headline I wanna see?

"Someone with an actual brain beats the living hell out of teens at polygamist rally."