The Saga of Anderson and "VenomFangX"

So there's this dude hanging around Youtube. Christian dude. here's some of his videos. I flat REFUSE to host them here, so they're just links:

The Age of the Earth
Evolution: Satan's Tool
Evil Islam Created by Satan (the devil)

Now, my associate Terry ran across this kid last night and showed his stuff to me. We both noted that there were NO critical comments on his videos. When Terry added a comment, he was notified that it would be posted pending approval. This actually got a bug up my ass, so I sent him a message via youtube.

Hi there! I've only watched one of your videos as I send this, but I plan to check out a few more shortly. I noticed, however, than there were few if any comments critical of your work. Now, as not everyone on youtube is a creationist christian, you're most likely editing the commentary. I'm not angry about that or anything, I'm just curious as to why you feel dissenting opinions don't deserve the same "facetime," as it were, as those who agree with you. I'm not here to argue with you; I'm just curious. I'd really appreciate a response. God Bless!" -Paladin Alexander

His response:

Simply because there will be objections, and people can find them on the video responses on the side bars. On my channel however, I wanted to display people who agreed with me. If you are in the camp that disagrees with me, or just want to see the other side, youtube makes that available to you. My channel is a Christian channel, and is only for Christian opinions.

and the email I'm about to send him:

Went back and watched more of your videos. Didn't finish a single one. You speak as though you know what will happen after death. You speak as though you know the age of the earth. You speak as though you know that you are right and that all who do not agree are wrong. You have no right to speak this way, because you cannot know. The only way you will ever learn wether you are right or wrong is to die.

What you speak of is BELIEF.

You BELIEVE that the earth is six thousand years old, that evolution is the work of the devil, and that the Catholic church is also a tool of Satan, and you draw these conclusions from a BOOK. I've got a book, too! It's called the encyclopedia! It tells me that I can observe evolution in the AIDS virus, since the reason we can't cure it is that it keeps mutating to variations resistant to the environmental changes of our medication... EVOLUTION! It tells me that the Catholic Church was the first real organization to spread the word of Christ, and that Protestants like yourself are a schism from Catholicism! Isn't that AMAZING?! It tells me that by simply looking at rock strata you can tell that the earth is FAR older than six thousand years! And unlike your book, my book is accepted worldwide! No one fights about what's in my book, and no one is killed for my book. My book gets added onto every year, whereas yours hasn't changed in two thousand... unless you count the edits the church has made to it. My book doesn't preach, my book simply teaches. It probably hasn't sold as many copies, but I bet more people have read from it and used it!

Listen, pal. It's people like you that put people like me out of the church. It's guys like you, and Fred Phelps, and Pat Robertson, who stand in the streets and the churchs (and in front of webcams, credit where credit is due), screaming "Believe what I believe or you will SUFFER!," who sour the teachings of Christ, one of the most kind, benevolent, loving men the world has ever known. YOU make JESUS look bad, got it? And I hope he tells you so.

The people who speak as stridently as you do not believe in God out of love for his creation and the beings in it. They believe out of fear, and they scream from the low places to gather others like themselves. The more people agree with you, the more you feel justified in your slamming of science and the faiths of others. You all feed off each other in an orgy of egotistical self-serving perversion of religion, making it seem sick and making us all tired of your unending rhetoric and your ceaseless dirt-throwing. I'm sure Christ would be proud of your effort but disgusted by your message.

To tell you the truth, you impress me. The fact that you would go to such great lenghts of research simply to make a few videos that you KNOW are inflammatory, and then act as though you've done nothing wrong, takes some kind of guts. I commend you for being so stubborn and determined to be right that you can't even see that someone else might be right. So, if you've managed to read this far, rather than thinking "Oh, he doesn't agree with me, he's a helbound heathen, etc," and deleting the message, I have a question for you. I see your behavior more often in people who are homeschooled than people who socialize in a public or private school. I suppose my question is really which kind of school you attend, so if you could tell me I'd appreciate it.

Meanwhile, it chafes me to say it, but as far as your beliefs go you're defending them quite well. Good job, and, well, keep up the good work.

I'm now awating a response. Updates as soon as I'm able. Mahalo.

song

I told her time and time again I loved her
That one person, to whom I never lied
But now she's gone from me and loves another
And I just want a quiet place to cry

The local bars are always far too crowded
And liqour's the last thing I need right now
I find a good cigar and I grab my old guitar
and head off to where I know I won't be found.

I smoke and play and sob until the morning
Then stumble home as tired as a dog
I'll soon be gone and no one will be mournin'
When I lose my mind into the growin' fog.

I lie awake and stare up at the ceiling
And through it to the sky, and then the stars
She could run to them, or to heaven or to hell
But if she ever needs me nowhere is too far

Now I know that I don't know too much about him
He's a dreamer and an "artist" I suppose
But I know he's cheated once, and I'm sure he will again
And I'll bet she's the last one to ever know.

Most of my life I tried to have no feelin',
To call anyone anymore than friend,
But her kiss, her touch, her eyes, they left me reelin'
and I cry because I brought that all to end.

He Is the Road Warrior Once Again!

So. I dunno about you all but I've been hacked at Mel Gibson for the Passion, and then outright pissed at the anti-Semitism.

But Becky has shown me something that redeems him.

Here's the trailer for Apocalypto.

When you get to the part with the monkey, start tapping the rewind button. You'll see what I'm talking about. Of course, if you're lazy, you can just scroll down since I put the image in this post.


















You lazy fuck.

HA ha ha HA ha HA!

So.

Colbert Report.

Stephen said he'd give five bucks to the first person who changed the wikipedia article on reality to "Reality has become a commodity."

I headed right over to check.

I refreshed three times before it changed.

Took less than ten seconds from the MOMENT he said it.

It's back to normal now.

Who the FUCK is hanging around wikipedia THAT MUCH?!?

Edit: They got the article for David Bowie's Reality album, too. Bastardos.

Boredom

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions. You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?

You Are 84% Grown Up, 16% Kid

Your emotional maturity is fully developed, and you have an excellent grasp on your emotions. In fact, you are so emotionally mature - you should consider being a therapist!

How Emotionally Mature Are You?

I've had several therapists, does that count? heh. Therapist. TheRapist. The Rapist. Awesome.

Star Wars Horoscope for Aquarius

You can be cruel and torment people who disagree with you. Deep down, there is a peace-loving, friendly side to you. You have a knack for inflicting pain on people and use your intellect during battle. Star wars character you are most like: Darth Vader

What Is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

Who's surprised at THAT one?

Look, a distraction!

You Are 64% Cynical

You're a full blown cynic... and probably even skeptical of these results. You have your optimistic moments, but most likely you keep them to yourself.

How Cynical Are You?

No I'm not.

You Are 59% Indie

You're pretty indie, but you don't make a fuss letting everyone know. You just do what you like. You enjoy many types of things - from trendy to bizarre.

How Indie Are You?

Just for the record, there's no such thing as "indie music." That slightly different sound that people call "indie?" I call "too fucking cheap to do a few more gigs and buy some good equipment." Also, just 'cause you're not on a label, does not make you good. In fact, getting rejected by a company, often means you suck out loud. People who brag about the little no-name bands they listen to, or look down on other people who listen to mainstream music, are miserable dicks.

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

How Sarcastic Are You?

Yes, but I DO try to be funny while I'm verbally skewering an idiot.

You're An Angry Drunk

Ever wake up with sore knuckles and a black eye? Thought so.

What Kind of Drunk Are You?

Which is why I don't drink around people. I usually end up with less people to drink around.

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system. And while this may not seem big, it can be. It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes. You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

That one actually surprised me a bit.

Where'd it all go?

When did all the magic go out of the world? And I don't mean alchemy or spells or that sort of thing. I mean the adventure, the fun, the strange weirdness and bad craziness that made the world so exciting.

There used to be places left to explore, that anyone could get to. I mean, if you really wanted to, you could go explore the rainforest, or the mountain ranges. It was all unmapped, and even if someone had explored it before you usually ran across their dessicated corpse at some point, so it was all good. There was still treasure at the end of the trek, and while it might not make you rich or famous, it still meant something to you, right?

Now, it's all mapped. GPS devices can get you directions to the chemist's, or out of the deepest wilds. Survival has become a sport, and you can get a cellphone signal anywhere on the planet. In fact at this point I'm pretty sure you could buy dehydrated water online with your cellphone and have it delivered to you in the middle of the desert.


There used to be magical things in the world. Every strange bottle contained a djinn, or a letter from one of the aforementioned dessicated corpses. There were still creatures that lurked at the edges of perception, silently threatening to drag you away from reality. Cthulul still slept in R'lyeh and Count Dracula would happily suck you down like a milkshake.

Cthulu's corpse is rotting away into webcomics and horror film chic, Dracula's a bisexual frenchman. Those creatures get medicated away into nothingness, hallucinations, stress-induced sillyness. No one even sends letters anymore, god, how many people still remember their own address? And it seems to me that the only bottles I touch anymore either contain something poisonous, or intoxicating.



There used to be rebels in the world. There used to be solitary men who would stand before entire nations and say "Hey. You. Sod off, alright?" There used to be warriors, people who would wade into enemy lines and lay waste. There were men who fought gallantly, honored their enemy, and only killed him because he didn't want to but by god he HAD to. In the old days, if you swore loyalty to someone, it stuck, and it wasn't "good business sense" to jump ship and leave your captain behind.

Now the "rebels" are nothing more than punks with anarchy symbol tattoos. Now we can't even get hundreds of people to protest anything with meaning. There are no warriors anymore, not when you can kill millions of people from thousands of miles away by hitting a few buttons. And gallantry, chivalry, honor? Please. Not even among theives, now. And somehow, Machiavelli's ghost has possessed the business world.



So what the hell happened to all that? Did science kill it? Did we just grow out of our myths and legends? Did our little Industrial Revolutions expansionary orgy finally prove to us that, yeah, we're number one? Did the last century finally see the end of honor and respect, subjugated under the weight of enforced morality and fear of an honest death?

Or am I just finally going mad?

God... DAMMIT....

I know I usually don't do this, but I'm gonna start this out with a little disclaimer. I don't have any beef with Jews or Muslims; you guys get enough shit from the white man and his churches and don't need me piling on top of that, y'know? My problem is with Christians, and religion in general. And yeah, it's gonna look like I'm baggin' on everybody, but don't get mad about this shit. Some of this has been simmering for a long time and it's time to let it out. If you have something, anything to say, go on and put it in a comment. I've had a dry spell on those lately.

So.

Poking around wikipedia. Reading about the ViewAskewniverse and ran across the article on the Buddy Christ.

I'm bored and can't sleep, so I click on the link to Jesus. Not Buddy Christ or pop-culture Jesus, just straight-up Jesus on the rocks. Or the cross, whatever.

I'm looking at the contents and I see "Islamic Views on Jesus." I've never been quite clear on this, so I click on it, and guess what I find? THIS:

In Islam, Jesus (known as Isa in Arabic: عيسى), is considered one of God's
most-beloved and important prophets and the Messiah.

This, naturally, boggles my little mind. So, thinking this is a good example of why my dad says Wiki is unreliable (mainly, people like to fuck with other people's heads), I decide to click on the link to an article dealing entirely with that topic. Here, I find THIS:

Islam holds Jesus (Arabic: عيسى‎ `Īsā) to have been a messenger and a prophet of God and the Messiah.

So, judging by this, I continue under the assumption that, no, I have not fallen victim to yet another cosmic joke. He's the Messiah for Muslims ANNND Christians? Could that mean... they're on the SAME SIDE?! I wonder....

Working on a hunch, I decide to look up Abraham. There's an old theory I have, that is borne out by the following statement:

Abraham (Hebrew: אַבְרָהָם, Standard Avraham Ashkenazi Avrohom or Avruhom Tiberian ʾAḇrāhām ; Arabic: ابراهيم, Ibrāhīm ; Ge'ez: አብርሃም, ʾAbrəham) is regarded as the founding patriarch of the Israelites and of the Arabic people in Jewish, Christian and Islamic tradition. In that tradition, Abraham is brought by God from his home in the ancient city of Ur into a new land, Canaan, where he enters into a covenant: in exchange for sole recognition of Yahweh as supreme universal authority, Abraham will be blessed through innumerable progeny.

Okay, did EVERYBODY get that? Abraham founded Islam, Judaism, AND Christianity. Also, Abraham worshipped ONE GOD... Yahweh. So that means... that he founded three religions... under one god... so all three religions... have the SAME FUCKING GOD.

So... 'scuse me if you've told me this before... why do the most vocal little enclaves of each religion claim to despise the others?

And you know what? I really don't care if you call him God or Yahweh or Allah or even don't say his name out loud at ALL! Furthermore, I know that's a bit insensitive, but when have I given shit ONE about sensitivity? And I reject the argument that my christian friends feed me, that "Oh, Allah is, like, a moon god, and a war god, 'cause he's all warlike, and stuff."

YEAH? and you just celebrated a festival that used to belong to Saturn, a ROMAN god, until some douchebag Pope (Pope Dickwrinkle the First, let's say) decided to co-opt the poor pagans and STEAL their fucking holiday!

LISTEN TO ME. Every one of you little shits who sits out there and claims that you have to destroy all the infidels because "God said so." Listening? Are you? Really? Okay, here we go....

THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD. GOT IT?

And you know what's more? I'm not even sure about that.

You all promote your god as good, loving, and just. He looooooves you all so fuckin' much. Why's he hatin' on the rest of us, then? For not BELIEVING in him? So I don't believe in a god. Alright, cool. Should I go to hell for THAT? SHIT NO. And who the Christ are you to tell other people they're "infidels?" Or even fuckin' heretics? If the god of some religion sends good people to hell without a second thought 'cause they didn't belong in HIS flock of sheep, then I want NO truck with him or his brainwashed little lambs. At all.

And let's talk about your vaunted god a little more, shall we? He's so damn powerful. Omnipotent! That means there's NOTHING he can't pull off! So... what's he been doing lately? Is he... ignoring us? Overloaded with prayers and taking the menial shit 'cause it's easier? What about the cancer patients, God? And what about war, God? If you love us so much why do you let us kill each other constantly? Why do you let us do it in your Name (which by the way has ceased to be funny even to me)? Why do we have SIDS and AIDS and HIV and racism and global warming and the "humvee?"

And what do we have to do to take a Cosmic Vote of No Confidence?